A Christmas Horror Story

With Christmas being only a week away, let’s take a look at another Christmas movie. This one is for all you horror fans. “A Christmas Horror Story” is a 2015 horror movie starring William Shatner (Star Trek), George Buza (The Adventures of Sinbad), Zoe De Grand Maison (Riverdale), and Adrian Holmes (Bel-Air).

“A Christmas Horror Story” is about four interwoven stories all taking place on the same night. Santa fights his infected elves, a family gets more than they bargain for when picking out a Christmas tree, three teens get trapped in their school while investigating an old murder, and Krampus hunts down a naughty family.

There are a lot of Christmas horror movies out there, but the majority are not good. This one seems to be low budget. I think they spent all their money getting William Shatner. The special effects are horrible. There are a few parts where a massacre takes place, and the dead bodies are literal mannequins. Decapitated mannequin heads and all, not even close to looking real. The thing that saves this movie though is the stories themselves. A couple seem dumb at first but it all ties in at the end. Plus, it has a great twist at the very end, that I didn’t see coming. Even though the effects could have been a lot better, the story itself is very solid. I give it a 7/10.

Candy Cane Lane

It’s that time of year again. Christmas is upon us, and the holiday movies are rolling out. “Candy Cane Lane” is a 2023 Prime original Christmas/family movie starring Eddie Murphy (Bowfinger), Tracee Ellis Ross (Black-ish), Jillian Bell (Workaholics), Genneya Walton (Project Mc2), Thaddeus J. Mixson (Reasonable Doubt), and Nick Offerman (Parks and Recreation).

A man (Murphy) who has recently been laid off right before Christmas desperately needs to win his neighborhood Christmas light contest, winning house gets a hundred thousand dollars. He unknowingly makes a deal with a mischievous elf, when buying Christmas decorations for the contest. Chaos ensues as his 12 days of Christmas decorations come to life. He now only has a certain amount of time to reverse it before it’s too late.

Eddie Murphy is hilarious, my favorite comic of all time. So, if an Eddie Murphy movie comes out, I’m going to see it. It’s cute, it’s heartfelt, and like all Christmas movies, they find the true meaning of Christmas. That’s why we watch Christmas movies, right? For the warm fuzzy feeling this time of year. It achieves that, but I think it’s lacking in the comedy department. Especially with Eddie Murphy, it’s just not very funny. It’s a good family Christmas movie, but it won’t be a holiday classic anytime soon. I give it a 6.5/10.

Thanksgiving

“Thanksgiving” is 2023 horror movie directed by Eli Roth and starring Patrick Dempsey (Grey’s Anatomy), Nell Verlaque (Big Shot), Rick Hoffman (Suits), and Jalen Thomas Brooks (Walker).

A riot turns to tragedy at a superstore in Plymouth Massachusetts on Thanksgiving for Black Friday, leaving several dead after being trampled to death. A masked killer appears dressed as Plymouth’s founding father a year later to seek revenge on those involved.

There aren’t many Thanksgiving horror movies, so I knew I had to go see this one. I didn’t have my bar set high, and didn’t really know what to expect going in. It’s a lot like the “Scream” movies in the sense there’s a masked killer targeting a high school group of friends. It uses the same run around and twists too that keeps you guessing who the actual killer is. Instead of Ghostface you have a guy dressed as a Pilgrim. I thought the motive for revenge was a little weak, or over the top to seek revenge for it, but to keep it Thanksgiving themed, it makes sense. I give them props for that. Very rarely or if any horror movie makes me queasy. It’s not as gory as the Terrifiers, but there is a couple of scenes that make me uneasy, and that’s impressive. Overall, it’s a solid slasher film, and a lot better than I was expecting it to be. They also set themselves up for a sequel. I give it a 7.5/10

Find Me Guilty

“Find Me Guilty” is a 2006 Comedy/Drama/Biopic starring Vin Diesel (The Fast and Furious), Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones), and Ron Silver (The West Wing).

“Find Me Guilty” is about the longest trial in American history that took place in the late 1980’s and about Jackie DiNorscio (Vin Diesel), a mobster who acted as his own lawyer and defended himself during the trial.

I hadn’t heard of this one before, but I saw a clip of it on Facebook. It looked like it would be good, and it’s on Tubi so, I figured I would give it a shot. I hadn’t heard of the RICO trial before where a large number of mobsters were facing prison time in the 1980s, but it is an interesting story, and I’m always down for a good mob flick. The cool thing about this movie is not only is it based on a true story, but a large chunk of the dialogue used in the film was actually from the trial itself. Vin Diesel isn’t known for his great acting skills, but he knocks it out of the park playing Jackie DiNorscio, a smart mouthed yet loveable gangster. You end up finding yourself pulling for him. Overall, it’s a great watch. I give it an 8/10.

Monster Inside: America’s Most Extreme Haunted House

“Monster Inside: America’s Most Extreme Haunted House” is a 2023 Hulu original documentary exploring McKamey Manor.

If you’re unfamiliar with McKamey Manor, it’s an extreme attraction in Tennessee owned and ran by Navy Veteran Russ McKamey. If you can survive his attraction, you get 20,000 dollars, which no one has managed to yet. He has the volunteers sign a several page waiver where he is allowed to break bones, pull teeth, etc… There is no safe word, and they agree there may be severe bodily harm, brain trauma, and even death. The attraction ends when Russ says it ends.

The documentary interviews a few individuals who have been through the manor, they talk about the cruel and unusual punishments Russ McKamey put them through. I’ve known about McKamey Manor for a long time. So, it wasn’t anything revolutionary for me, but if you’re unfamiliar with McKamey Manor it’s probably a pretty crazy watch. Where a man is legally torturing people and getting away with it. If you haven’t heard of McKamey Manor, definitely check it out. If you have, it probably won’t provide you with any more insight. Good news is though, this documentary has caused McKamey Manor to become under investigation. Hopefully they shut this sicko down. I give it a 6/10.

Five Nights at Freddy’s

“Five Nights at Freddy’s” is a 2023 Blumhouse horror movie based off the popular video game series with the same name. It stars Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games), Piper Rubio (Holly & Ivy), Elizabeth Lail (You), and Matthew Lillard (Scooby-Doo).

A man, who is taking care of his sister, is struggling to make ends meet so he takes a job as a night security guard at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria. An abandoned Chucky Cheese style pizzeria that was big in the 80’s, complete with a full animatronic band. The job seems simple enough, keep looters, and vagrants out. One big problem though, the animatronic band is possessed by the ghosts of dead children who have murderous intentions.

This looked like a movie that could go either way, but with murderous animatronics it definitely has a creepy vibe to it, so I figured I would check it out. I haven’t played any of the “Five Nights at Freddy’s” games, so I don’t really know the lore behind it. If so, I probably would have enjoyed it more. To me, it was pretty boring. It’s a lot of build up with very little return. The animatronics aren’t in it a whole lot till about the last 30 minutes or so, before that it’s a slow ride. The last 30 minutes does save it some, but not enough to give it a real high score. When the lights came on there was a huge ovation, I looked around and it was a theater full of kids 12 and younger. Take that as you will, but it’s probably more of a horror suited for teens. I give it a 6/10.

Nowhere

“Nowhere” is a 2023 original Netflix thriller starring Anna Castillo (Wild Flowers), and Tamar Novas (The Sea Inside).

A pregnant woman and her husband flee a worn torn country that is killing women and children by hiding in a shipping container with others who are also fleeing. The Shipping container is stopped and searched which results in her husband being separated from her. She manages to hide while everyone is on the shipping container is gunned down and killed. She thinks the ordeal is over and she is off to safety once the shipping container is placed aboard a cargo ship. That is until, a storm hits, and her container and several others are dumped in the ocean by the storm. She is now floating along, pregnant and alone, waiting for certain death.

I’m not a big fan of foreign movies just because of the lips never matching up with the dubs, but this one isn’t bad since ninety percent of the movie is her by herself in a shipping container. This movie is insane. It is the definition of Murphy’s law. Every time you think it can’t possibly get any worse it does. It has you on your edge of your seat the entire time, and you literally have no idea what to expect next. There are very few movies that I can say accomplish this, and this is one. It’s a perfect thriller for spooky season. I give it an 8.5/10.

Zombie Town

“Zombie Town” is 2023 Hulu original Family/Horror based of R.L. Stine’s book with the same name. It stars Chevy Chase (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation), Dan Aykroyd (Ghostbusters), Henry Czerny (Ready or Not), Marlon Kazadi (Riverdale), and Madi Monroe (Attaway General).

Two teenagers (Kazadi and Monroe) try to get a sneak peek at a brand new horror movie from a legendary horror director (Aykroyd) by sneaking and watching the reel in the town’s movie theater the night before the big premiere. They unknowingly unleash an ancient curse turning the entire town into zombies besides themselves and the director. They must now figure out a way to break the curse before it’s too late.

I was born in the late eighties, so growing up, R.L. Stine’s “Goosebumps” series was huge. Everyone, including myself couldn’t get enough of them. I read the entire series and went on to his other works. So, when I heard a movie based on one of his books was premiering, I had to check it out.

It’s aimed at young teen/teenagers, and as an adult you will probably find most of this movie corny. The first half is pretty good, but once the town turns into zombies, it’s like the movie hit its breaks. It just becomes dumb, and not very good. The acting becomes bad as well. The story line also doesn’t make sense. It’s an ancient reel found in the tomb of an Egyptian Pharaoh by Thomas Edison that turns people into zombies. Like what? That’s the beauty of kid/teen movies, they won’t question it. Not to mention Chevy Chase is in the movie for maybe thirty seconds total. If you have young teens, I say watch it. It’s a good movie for spooky season. If you’re an adult thinking of watching it, just give it a pass. Overall, I give it a 5/10.

Greater

“Greater” is 2016 is a sports biography drama/comedy starring Neal McDonough (Yellowstone), Leslie Easterbrook (The Devil’s Rejects), Fredric Lehne (American Horror Story), and Christopher Severio (Suit Up).

“Greater” is the true story about Brandon Burlsworth who was an offensive tackle for the Arkansas Razorbacks and is considered the greatest walk on in the history of college football.

I hadn’t heard of this movie before or the story of Brandon Burlsworth but I came across it on Tubi and it looked like it would be good, so I gave it a shot. It’s one of those motivational movies where against all odds the main character prevails by overcoming their past and whatever obstacles they face. It’s cheesy writing with the dialogue and very hallmark-esque. Even so, it’s still pretty good, and though you know the outcome that he ends up being a starter and one of the best walk-on’s ever, you still find yourself routing for Brandon. It’s not as good of a football movie as say “Invincible” or “Remember the Titans” but it still deserves its place among motivational sports movies. The acting from Severio and McDonough plus the story line makes it worth it. I give it a 7/10.

A Haunting in Venice

“A Haunting in Venice” is a 2023 mystery/thriller and the third installment of the Hercule Poirot detective movies based on the Agatha Christie novels. It follows “Murder on the Orient Express” and “Death on the Nile.” It has a star-studded cast starring Kenneth Branagh (Murder on the Orient Express), Michelle Yeoh (Crazy Rich Asians), Jamie Dornan (Fifty Shades of Grey), Tina Fey (Date Night), Riccardo Scamarcio (John Wick: Chapter 2), Jude Hill (Mandrake), and Kelly Reilly (Yellowstone).

Hercule Poirot (Branagh) is lured out of retirement by a longtime friend and author (Fey) to attend a seance to try and debunk a world renowned medium (Yeoh) on Halloween night. Everything is not as it seems as guests start turning up dead. Are people to blame or is it something more paranormal? Hercule Poirot is determined to get to the bottom of it before the night is over.

It’s like the other two as in it’s your basic who done it murder mystery with plenty of twists and turns thrown in to keep you guessing throughout who the murderer is. It’s darker and more gothic than the other two. It reminds me of a murder mystery mixed with “The Haunting in Connecticut.” It’s a little bit slower than the other two but still enjoyable as it does keep you guessing throughout what is really going on. If you’re a fan of the first two, you will enjoy this one as well. I give it a 7/10.