They/Them

“They/Them” is a 2022 Peacock exclusive horror movie starring Kevin Bacon (You Should Have Left), Theo Germaine (Work in Progress), Anna Chlumsky (My Girl), Austin Crute (Daybreak), and Darwin del Fabro (Dangerous Liaisons).

A group of LGBTQ teens go to a conversion camp, all for different reasons while a horrifying experience awaits.

This is an LGBTQ movie, and it is getting slammed online with a 3.3/10 on IMDB, and a 32 percent on rotten tomatoes, while all the reviews seem bad. Some have gone on to call it too “woke”. Which to a degree is true, but that’s not why it is bad. They focus too much on them being LGBTQ instead of the story. It’s supposed to be a slasher film, which to me it doesn’t matter who’s getting killed. A slasher film is a slasher film as long as it has a good story. However, the word slasher and horror movie are used very lightly. The first murder doesn’t happen until almost an hour in, around the 45 min mark. When there’s more gay sex scenes than killings, is it really a horror movie? It’s not the worst horror movie I’ve seen, but it’s not good either. Not even the worse Kevin Bacon horror movie, that would be “You Should have Left.” That one is just a huge mess. Overall, this one could have been good if they cared more about the story, they missed a good opportunity. I would give this one a pass with a 4/10.

The Rental

“The Rental” is a 2020 horror/thriller movie starring Dan Stevens (Beauty and the Beast), Alison Brie (GLOW), Sheila Vand (Argo), and Jeremy Allen White (Shameless). Dave Franco (Unfinished Business) makes his directorial debut with this one.

Two Couples rent a house on the beach for a relaxing weekend away, but things quickly go downhill.

Almost every rental movie is the same, some people rent a house then there’s someone creepy watching them and/or killing them. It’s been told a thousand times, but the ones that are good are really good while the others fall flat. This one falls in the flat department. It’s not the acting, it has a solid cast and it’s good acting. The story doesn’t flow well and is a little jumbled. It’s an hour and a half movie, but it takes an hour before anything happens, then the last thirty minutes they try to jam all the action in. By this point it’s too late, also the ending doesn’t add anything up or answer any questions. With the actors and the story, it has the potential to be good, if it was done differently. I would skip this one altogether, but if you do want to check it out, it just released on Netflix. I give it a 4/10.

Aileen Wuornos: American Boogeywoman

“Aileen Wuornos: American Boogeywoman” is a 2021 thriller based on serial killer Aileen Wuornos’s brief marriage to multimillionaire Lewis Fell. It stars Peyton List (Cobra Kai), Lydia Hearst (Z Nation), and Tobin Bell (Saw).

“Monster” with Charlize Theron helped make serial killer Alieen Wuornos and her heinous crimes a household name. This one here is about her brief marriage to an older multimillionaire and all her underhanded manipulative things she did. It’s an interesting story about a part of her life that isn’t really talked about. However, the only bright spot of this movie is Peyton List. She’s very talented, and a great actress. Her acting is the only solid thing in this movie. They have a great story that’s really interesting but after about the 40-minute mark it gets soapy beyond belief. That’s where all the fiction they added into the movie comes into play, the acting’s bad, the story is soapy and it’s just dumb. I’m giving it a 4/10, and that’s only because of Peyton List’s acting. If not for her the movie would be a complete wash.

The Forever Purge

‘The Forever Purge’ is the fifth installment of the horror series ‘The Purge’. It stars Ana de la Reguera (Nacho Libre), Cassidy Freeman (Longmire), Leven Rambin (The Hunger Games), Josh Lucas (Sweet Home Alabama), Tenoch Huerta (Get the Gringo), and Zahn Mcclarnon (Longmire).

When the siren sounds to end the annual purge, a group decides the purge shouldn’t end, and continues to wreck havoc.

I love ‘The Purge’ series, it’s one of the best horror series out there. I’ve seen all of them in theaters including this one, and none of them have disappointed. That is until, now. Somehow ‘The Purge’ has managed to shock and awe me every time, I remember watching the first one, and I was in shock how insane this movie was. 24 hours where anything is legal, and each movie lived up to it time and time again, but maybe now it’s played out. This one gets really political, while the U.S. is suffering the never ending purge, Mexico and Canada open up their borders for a brief time for sanctuary. So now its a flee to the Mexican border. The Border crisis is a hot button issue right now regardless of which political side you fall on. This movie basically just hammers this topic over and over, but that’s not why this movie was bad. This movie is bad, because well, it’s boring. It just felt like an empty shell, yes they were running for their lives trying to get to the Mexican border, but most of the movie they were just hiding. Not a lot of action at all for a Purge movie. I kept waiting and waiting for something to happen, but it never really did, just a few spots here and there. Towards the end of the movie I just wanted it to end, I couldn’t care less if they even made it to the border by that point. Maybe five purges is just one too many. This will be the one that puts an asterisks beside the film series for me. I give it a 4/10.

The Open House

‘The Open House’ is a 2018 Netflix original horror movie starring Dylan Minnette (13 Reasons Why), Piercey Dalton (Interrogation), Patricia Bethune (True Blood), and Sharif Atkins (ER).

A son and mother stay in a family member’s mountain home while trying to get back on their feet. The only stipulation is the family member is selling the house, so the mom and son must be out at certain times for the open house times.

So this has every aspect to not only be a good horror film, but an amazing one. Big secluded mountain house.. check, son and mom by themselves… check, and random strangers coming into the house while the mom and son are gone… check. It has the perfect set up, and then that’s it. It’s like the writers came up with a shell and then just gave up and left it empty. My wife referred to it as lazy writing, which I hate to call the writers lazy, so I’m just going to go with they didn’t know what to do with the plot. So let’s dive into it. It’s a very slow burn where nothing really happens till the last 20 minutes or so, which is okay a lot of movies do this. However I’ve never seen a movie where so much stuff was added that had nothing to do with helping the story. They kept focusing on the water heater, the basement, the kid’s mile time, and the neighbor with Alzheimer’s. None of these things ever come into play and have absolutely nothing to do in furthering the story. In Stephen King’s book “On Writing” he mentions that you never write anything into a story if it doesn’t have a purpose, otherwise it’s just wasted. These writers should have read his book. When we finally get to the end, it doesn’t explain anything. So this movie looks good, but that’s it, avoid it like a bad open house. I give it a 4/10.

Term Life

I recently read an article saying that ‘Term Life’ is one of the best streaming movies on Netflix, that you probably haven’t seen. I haven’t seen it or even heard of it, but it has a solid cast, so I figured I would give it a shot. It’s a 2016 crime/action movie starring Vince Vaughn (Wedding Crashers), Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit), Bill Paxton (Twister), Johnathan Banks (Breaking Bad), Jordi Molla (Bad Boys II), Terrence Howard (Empire), Mike Epps (Friday After Next), and John Favreau (Iron Man). Like I said a stacked cast, right? The story is actually really good as well, a professional who plans heists (Vaughn) gets mixed up with a dirty cop (Paxton) when a heist goes wrong. The dirty cop must now tie up loose ends by killing Vaughn and going after Vaughn’s estranged daughter (Steinfeld).

Sounds good, right? Well, summed up it’s terrible. I’m not sure who’s writing these articles on the “best” streaming movies you haven’t seen but their taste is terrible. There’s a lot to unpack here, mostly it’s cheesy, very cheesy. The acting seems forced, it’s like a bad made for TV movie, not a movie staring all these good actors. Vince Vaughn and Hailee Steinfeld play father and daughter, but the chemistry between them is flat. Also what is up with Mike Epps trying to play serious roles? He’s not good at it, he’s a funny dude, he should stick with what he does best. Every time he tries to play a tough guy, serious role it’s just always bad. My suggestion is to avoid this one, I give it a 4/10.

30 Miles from Nowhere

’30 Miles from Nowhere’ is a 2018 horror/thriller that you can find on VUDU starring, Carrie Preston (Claws), Rob Benedict (Waiting), Cathy Shim (Reno 911!), Marielle Scott (You), Seana Kofoed (American Princess), William Smillie (Chicago Fire), and Postell Pringle (Grand Theft Auto IV). Five college friends reunite for a friends funeral who happens to live in rural Wisconsin, and soon it becomes a fight for survival.

There’s a lot to unpack here, and it’s not so good. It has an ‘IT’ feeling at first, a group of friends get back together that haven’t seen each other in years. Instead of getting together to fight an evil clown they’re getting together for a friends funeral. The build up is very slow, with a lot of dialogue, which I believe dialogue is important. It builds up the scene and lets the viewer know important details, but this dialogue goes nowhere, and just muddles the story. Not only that the characters are very stereotypical. All this is within the first thirty minutes of the movie, once you get past this, the action starts to take place, if you can call it that. The jump scenes are terrible, it’s like they just added whatever they thought is scary and threw it into this movie, cockroaches, random blood, and rabid dogs. I’ve seen a lot worse movies, but this one isn’t good. My wife and I quote said “this wouldn’t scare a 12 year old.” I give it a 4/10, and the only reason it’s that high is because the ending manages to pull it in some.

Riot (2015)

While quarantine and social distancing is still going on, I’m still reviewing movies you can see while stuck at home. Majority of these movies are all on Netflix. I’m going to talk about ‘Riot’. ‘Riot’ is a 2015 action film starring Matthew Reese (The Eleventh Hour), Danielle C. Ryan (The Cat in the Hat), Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV), and Chuck Liddell.

‘Riot’ is about a former cop, Jack Stone (Reese), who orchestrates a robbery in order to be put in the same prison as a Russian crime lord (Liddell) who killed his family. There is now a 100,000 dollar bounty on Jack’s head, Jack Stone is out for revenge while trying to stay alive.

When thinking of good actors I’ve never heard anyone mention Dolph Lundgren, or Chuck Liddell, they’re simply not. You know what you’re going to get when you watch a film with them in it, not a lot of substance but a ton of action. However in Dolph Lundgren’s favor, ‘Rocky IV’ is the best Rocky movie. ‘Riot’ though is just bad. Lundgren plays an undercover agent in the prison who is a prisoner with special needs, the acting is just terrible. Liddell’s fake Russian accent is atrocious not to mention his bad acting on top of it. The whole thing is just cheesy, bad acting, and no substance. Give this one a pass, I give it a 4/10.

Circle

‘Circle’ is a thriller/horror movie from 2015, not to get confused with Netflix’s 2020 reality show ‘The Circle’, although you can find ‘Circle’ on Netflix as well. ‘Circle’ is about fifty strangers who wake up in a mysterious chamber without any recollection how they got there or what is going on. Every two minutes one will die by a system of voting, if they don’t vote one will die at random. Old, young, white, black, Asian, rich, poor, educated, and uneducated it doesn’t matter they’re all there. Obviously there is a big cast since there is fifty people, no real big names are in the movie. However, it does star Michael Nardelli (The Collection), Lawrence Kao (Wu Assassins), and Carter Jenkins (Aliens in the Attic).

‘Circle’ is about humanity, and our thought process in a difficult decision. I respect that, and I like the concept of this film. Ultimately though, it falls flat. It’s just fifty people arguing for an hour and a half while one by one they get killed till there’s only one left. I could have just watched ‘Survivor’ if I wanted to see people argue and get voted off. I give this one a 4/10.